“I don’t want to be married anymore” Cory says to me.
He had gone out with a friend all day and just got back. I could hardly believe what I was hearing.
“What? But we just got married!” I exclaimed in horror. His face was impassive. My God, who is this man?
“I hate my life. I don’t want to work as a server anymore. I am thinking of moving out of Dallas. I hate this town. I hate being shackled to you. There is a girl I met today. She seems cool,” he started watching TV. I cannot believe this. He is tearing me apart and he is just calming watching television.
“I guess we are just going to have to get a divorce then,”I said numbly as I wonder who to call for help. Call Jessica, yes, she would know what to do. I can’t call anyone else. I don’t think I would be able to stand the smug looks at the failure of our marriage. We were supposedly the perfect couple. Everyone called us for relationship advice. Again, I cannot believe it.
I crawled over to him, “Is there anyway, I can get you to change your mind?” I begged, “We said we would never get a divorce.” He continued watching tv. It was like I didn’t even register. “Well, that was before,” he said. “Before? Before what?” I am so confused. “Before I realized I never wanted to get married. I thought I did. Now I realize I didn’t and never did. I just wanted the sex the continue.”
I took a shuddering breath. With every word, he carved out my insides and shredded my heart. The tears started pouring. If my cheeks could turn soggy with the amount of tears running down my face, I am sure it would have. I curled up into a ball as I just sobbed aloud not bothering to hold it in like I normally do because I hate crying and the weakness it represents. Cory was the first who allowed me to just cry without thought or judgement but it was over. I didn’t care who thought me weak now. It was all over.
And then I woke up.
I crawled over to the real Cory next to me and buried my head in his cheat and whined, “I dreamed you left me.” I gasped in relief. It was just a dream. Cory kissed me on the top of my head, “Why would I ever do that? I would never leave you.” He laughed softly. I never could understand why he could laugh after one of my dreams. I seldom got them anymore but I use to get them constantly when we first dated and then after we first got engaged. This was the first I had in months. I don’t understand why I have them but have nightmares about Cory leaving me I do.
Do you get nightmares?