Don’t get me wrong, I love cuddling. Sometimes. Like when we are watching a movie on the couch. Or for maybe five to ten minutes when we crawl into bed together. Most of the time however, I get restless. We cuddle for about 5 minutes and then I want to turn around. Or my leg falls asleep. Or I want to lie on my back. Needless to say, Cory has absolutely no complaints about this. You know when I really don’t like cuddling though? It’s after we do the dirty.
After we have sex (we never call it making love but that is another post for another day), I want you as far away from me as possible. I jump in the shower really quickly to get the smell and the ickies away and then I just want to crawl in bed and sleep. I don’t want to cuddle with you. I am dirty (physically) and sweaty, and grimy and the last thing I want to do is cuddle with someone else who is dirty, sweaty, and grimy. I just want to sleep without interferance (and you not in my personal space) and relax. Cory loves this (He is a guy. He is naturally predisposed to the absence of the cuddle gene). My friends think I am a freak of nature.
This makes me the joke of my girlfriends. I am apparently, an alien species.
“What? Do you have estrogen? How do you not like cuddling?”
But I do. Just not for a very long time and definately not after sex. In that way, I am Samantha from Sex In The City. I just want you to get in, me to get off, and then you to get out. Crude nevertheless, true. This makes it slightly more difficult when you are married to the man that is getting you off. My husband on the other hand, get all manners of slaps on the back, “Dude, she is a keeper!”
According to Psychology Today (I love the magazine. All sorts of random information that makes for interesting cocktail party talk if you are into such things), women want to cuddle after sex because they want to convince (that is not the word they use) themselves that they aren’t just doing the deed because of sex. They are doing it for “intimacy”. Apparently women feel guilty about having more sex than their mothers and so they need affirmation that they aren’t sluts (I am liberally paraphasing here). Men pull away because they don’t want to feel responsible for taking care of the woman – they don’t want to worry about you.
No offense meant to Psychology Today but that is just a load of bullshit me thinks. As an Asian, I know guilt. My mother was raised Catholic. She has got the guilt down pat. Asian in general feel guilty about everything. Even if it not related to them at all. Pearl Harbor? Check. Holocaust? Yum. We feel guilt as sin. I have a more sensitive guilt monitor than others. However, I am having sex and most women are if they care to admit it, because gosh darn it, I want to have sex. Yes, sex in my marriage is a result of our love for each other in a tangible physical way and I get very, very grumble when I don’t get it on a regular basis.
So ladies tell me. Are you a cuddler or am I a freak of nature? Hit me with it.
Photograph by Kent Matthews